but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize