based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
