i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
