She is in my trunk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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