i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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