you're like a bully in the Christmas story
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
