When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
