Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
smell my finger.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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