My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
