I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
