I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
