I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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