I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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