hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The adults are the big ones right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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