Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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