Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize