I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize