Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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