I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
