the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
