Do you still have your period?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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