so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
