Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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