Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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