guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize