the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
