How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
