omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
