if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
