We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
