Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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