I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize