my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
