i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
