im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
