Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
