if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
