I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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