forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
