WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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