Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
