Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
