Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
