***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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