i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
