ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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