allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
