Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
