I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
