I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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