are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize