It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think your dad took our porno
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
