Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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