laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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