Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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