I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
