he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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