grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize