So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
