and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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