There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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