Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
