I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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