wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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