Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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