I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize