mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
