just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
