The maid of honor just puked.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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