Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
two words: eviction party
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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