Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love you.
Bad choice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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