cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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