Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
