if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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