They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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